Overthinking, also referred to in scientific circles as rumination, typically can be curbed with a combination of psychotherapeutic techniques and, in some cases, medication, depending on the underlying causes. The practice is known to contribute to anxiety and depression, as scientific studies indicate that repetitive thought patterns do little to solve the issue at hand and instead exacerbate it (Ehring, 2021). This article aims to explain what overthinking is, how one can stop doing it, and how to address it in relationships and after betrayal or infidelity.
There is no worse feeling than laying in bed, having had the same conversation with yourself five times already, desperately attempting to extract some additional piece of information that would allow you to finally understand the situation at hand. Overthinking rarely accomplishes anything in the short-term, and simply distracts a person from other, more relevant issues that may need their attention. Fortunately, there are multiple actionable steps that can help stop someone from overthinking.
What Is Overthinking (and Rumination)
Overthinking, in psychotherapeutic terms, is rumination, i.e., engaging in recurring thoughts about a particular issue that distract an individual from their everyday activities. Specifically, the American Psychiatric Association notes that rumination includes “dwelling on negative feelings and the causes and consequences of these feelings,” which results in a person being unable to stop thinking about negative occurrences, recall additional negative memories, and form negative expectations about the future (APA, 2020).
Two similar but distinguishable thought patterns fall under the umbrella of rumination. On the one hand, rumination is dwelling on the past and thinking about the reasons behind a certain event. On the other, worry is rumination about the future and potential occurrences that could happen. Together, the two patterns comprise what researchers call repetitive negative thinking, which negatively affects an individual’s psyche and contributes to the development of anxiety and depression (Ehring, 2021).
Why Do I Overthink Everything
The act of overthinking rarely emerges as a standalone phenomenon but rather develops as a coping mechanism to deal with a particularly distressing situation. According to Michl et al. (2014), rumination is an integral part of the stress-generating process and plays a major role in an individual’s transition from experiencing stress to developing depression or anxiety.
Rumination not only occurs alongside distress but often exacerbates it, with the APA noting that repetitive thinking patterns can lead to “increased frequency of negative memories” and the perception of situations as more hopeless than they are (APA, 2020). In other words, the act of rumination often prolongs or enhances the impact of a traumatic event instead of helping a person adequately process it and move on.
How Do I Stop Overthinking
To stop overthinking, the key is to recognize when it is happening as awareness is cited as the first step to curbing overthinking by the psychologists. Other strategies that can help include;
- Naming the thought process to tame it
- Writing down the thoughts to create separation and perspective
- Circling what one can control and crossing out what one cannot
- Timing the thinking process to allow only a short period for it
- Grounding oneself in the present moment by describing the five senses
- Acting or thinking of something else entirely
- Challenging the thought process by questioning if the thought is true or not
- Moving the body or getting exercise
- Practicing mindfulness or deep breathing exercises
How to Stop Overthinking in a Relationship
The main cause of overthinking in relationships is linked to the causes of overthinking in general although it may be aggravated by the fact that persons are attached to each other making it difficult to separate their person from their own. Thus, the strategies used in general apply here with some additional pointers. The additional pointer is in recognizing the difference between one’s own narrative (thought process) and the other person’s narrative (thought process). This is important as overthinking in a relationship is caused by the fact that persons assume too much that is not stated by the other partner hence the narrative is based on one’s own opinions instead of the other person’s exact words. However, the cause of overthinking in a relationship is similar to overthinking in general and thus the treatment is similar.
In cases where a person is overthinking because one has been unfaithful to the other, some of the strategies that can alleviate this are practicing mindfulness and meditation as well as having a scheduled or designated time to worry. This is because when a person has betrayed another person, the thinking process for a long time is focused on the fact that one has been unfaithful. Thus, mindfulness, meditation, and scheduled worrying time are more effective than trying to ignore the thought process altogether. The problem is solved through solving what one can solve from the incident (problem-solving) rather than trying to deny the situation exists.
How to Stop Ruminating Thoughts
Most of the strategies that can be used to stop rumination are similar to those used to stop overthinking. However, some of the strategies are different as will be noted below. The best way to stop rumination is to stop focusing on what cannot be changed as a way of countering rumination which is a form of overthinking. Thus, meditation is a good strategy as it helps one to focus on something else without trying to argue out the reasons why one should not feel the way one feels. For rumination, mindfulness is also recommended especially if the rumination is about a specific event or experience. Other than meditation and mindfulness, there are several other strategies that can be used including;
- Practicing mindfulness to help prevent repetitive thoughts
- Having a designated time to worry (about 15 minutes)
- Getting regular exercise
- Learning a lesson from a repetitive thought or error and moving on
- Having a list of activities that one enjoys and engaging in them when one starts to ruminate
- Having good sleep hygiene as lack of proper sleep can aggravate rumination and worsen itmindwell-leeds.org
To practice mindfulness, one should try to focus on the sensations of the present moment during routine activities as a way of interrupting the thought process. One can also schedule a designated time to worry by deciding on a time when one can engage in worrying for a short period. One should also engage in regular exercise as a means of getting the mind off repetitive thoughts. Finally, one can learn a lesson from repetitive thoughts and then move on or have a list of positive activities to engage in as a way of countering rumination. Finally, one should have good sleep hygiene to avoid aggravating the situation.
If overthinking has started to affect your relationships, sleep, or day-to-day peace of mind, working with a therapist can help you address the pattern at its root.
