Whenever a child or teen starts therapy, it can be a huge step towards improving mental health and well-being, but for a parent, the process can be mysterious, especially if they themselves have never been in therapy. Understanding the therapy process is important in setting realistic expectations and knowing how to support your child throughout the therapy process. In this blog, we will explore what parents should know about the therapy process, their involvement, and how their actions can impact the success of the therapy process. If you, your teen, or your child are searching for a therapist, please contact us! Our virtual therapy practice is here to help families throughout California. 

Understanding the Therapy Process

The therapy process should be a collaboration between the therapist, child, and parents. The therapy process typically starts with an initial assessment, where a therapist gathers background information, current issues, and goals for treatment. This assessment helps to give the therapist a more holistic view of clients and helps to develop a more tailored treatment plan to address each person’s unique needs. Parents are often involved in this portion of the treatment due to some background information that the child may not know or remember.

It is important to understand that the therapy process takes trust and time, and that progress may be more gradual with ups and downs throughout the process. Patience and consistency are key to achieving effective and positive outcomes. Here are some factors that may hinder the trust-building and rapport-building phase between therapist and child:: 

1. Authoritarian parenting styles: Parents who are extremely strict or punitive can make it difficult for the child to trust in other adults
2. Family boundaries issues: Poor boundaries within family dynamics, such as lack of privacy for the child in therapy, can undermine the safe environment needed for the child to fully express themselves
3. Unrealistic parental expectations: Parents who demand and expect quick fixes or quick results places too much pressure and emphasis on the child’s performance, increasing anxiety and adding more resistance to the therapy process
4. Parental dismissal of the child’s feelings: Years of routinely and consistently minimizing and invalidating a child’s emotional experience can lead to difficulties with expressing themselves in the therapy session.
5. Parental skepticism or resistance: Parents with skepticism about the therapy process can harbor feelings of distrust that also undermines the child’s trust in the therapist
6. Inconsistent family support: Families that often miss appointments or do not follow through with recommendations can seriously hinder progress
7. Overprotective or enmeshed parenting: Parents who are overly involved or have difficulty with providing their child with space and safety to build a therapeutic relationship may be impeding the trust-building process
8. Parental mental health issues: Untreated or unmanaged parental mental health issues can create a more difficult environment for the child to build trust with adult figures
9. Stigmatized attitudes towards mental health: Stigmatizing views on therapy services can lead to feelings of shame and guilt in the child
10. Family history of betrayal: Children who grow up in families where trust is associated with danger may have a much more difficult time 
11. Parental guilt or shame: Parents who guilty or ashamed that their child is in therapy may unconsciously sabotage the therapy process or send mixed signals to the child
12. Lack of openness or follow-through on recommendations: When families don’t support or implement strategies suggested in therapy, it can slow the progress and diminish the child’s faith and trust in the process. 
13. Overstepping boundaries: Parents who try to control the direction and aspects of the child’s therapy can impede the child’s motivation to share and express their authentic and genuine beliefs and thoughts, which may hinder the child’s therapeutic progress

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Setting Realistic Expectations

It is important to recognize that therapy is not a quick fix, but rather a journey throughout the healing and growth process. Progress may be slow at times, especially in phases where trust is still not efficiently established, and setbacks are a normal and natural part of the process. Parents who shame and judge their child for not progressing enough in therapy may be inadvertently undermining all positive progressions and successes achieved, including the trust that is built between the client and therapist. 

Therefore, one of the most important expectations to have at the start of the therapy process is that change will take time, especially because therapy can bring up difficult emotions, experiences, traumas, and memories, which can be challenging for a child to process. This change in expectation can help encourage and keep a child motivated and participating in the therapy sessions. In addition, therapy is a collaborative effort, where the therapist and child will work together to develop effective coping strategies and to process specific issues, but the child’s active participation and family support is crucial. Encouraging your child to be open, honest, and trusting of the therapist can significantly enhance the effectiveness of treatment. 

The therapy session is often the only place where many children feel they have some control. In my experience, children often test and gauge to see how I as a therapist would react, and they would compare this to how their parents would react. This process in itself takes time and careful navigation to explore. A therapist who rushes through this vetting and trust-building process may unintentionally resemble the client’s parents’ demands and expectations, thus negatively impacting the safe environment a therapist hopes to provide. 

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Parental Involvement in the Therapy Process

Parents play a critical role throughout the therapy process, including reinforcing skills and strategies learned in the therapy session. One way parents can be involved is by maintaining open communication with the therapist. Regular check-ins wit the therapist can provide valuable insights into the child’s progress and any areas that may need additional focus and support. However, it is important to keep in mind that the child’s trust, sense of safety, privacy and confidentiality must also be respected in order for the therapy sessions to be effective. Parents can provide a positive and supportive home environment through being patient, understanding, and non-judgemental by avoiding criticisms and negative comments. Focusing on celebrating small successes and providing encouragement to continue therapy can help the child feel more comfort and motivation to engage in therapy. 

Another way parents can be involved is considering to themselves how they are modeling behaviors. Modeling is a powerful and effective way parents can support their child. By demonstrating the very skills, attitudes, strategies, and change they would like to see in their own child, parents can create a consistent and reinforcing environment that extends outside of the therapy sessions. This approach involves parents demonstrating the behaviors they hope to see, for example, if parents want their child to manage their anger more effectively, parents might showcase calm responses to frustrating situations, talking through their emotions out loud, and asking for help when they’ve become too upset. If improved communication is the goal, then parents might begin listening actively and attentively, resolving conflicts peacefully, keeping a more neutral tone throughout the conversation. When children see their parents actively working on self-improvement and applying therapeutic strategies, it can also in turn help the child to engage in their own growth process, accelerating and deepening the impact of therapeutic interventions. 

Conclusion

Supporting your child through their mental health therapy journey requires understanding, patience, and active involvement. By understanding the therapy process, parents can help to improve positive outcomes by shifting their expectations, providing support for their child through encouragement and positive feedback, and modeling to their child the change they want to see. At our practice, we are dedicated to helping families across California navigate the therapy process and support their child’s mental health. Reach out to us today and learn more about our services!

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